cheating boyfriend

you think you know someone. you've been with them for 13 and 1/2 years. you've taken trips to the beach together. gone on weekend trips to Gatlinburg. you're practically inseparable.

he's been with you through 2 hospital stays. sat with you while you've recovered from minor illnesses. been with you when you're friends have hurt your feelings and comforted you when you've just had a bad day.

he's not afraid to watch a chick flick. he's a great listener. so what if he's going a little bald. you still love him because he's been there for you through so much.

and then one day you walk in and he's in the arms of a younger woman . . .

that's right. my daughter has stolen the love of my teddy bear. we're coming up on our 14th anniversary at Christmas and he stayed in her room 2 nights last week.

it was tragic. i was scrambling to find a replacement bear to sleep with at 9 o'clock at night. i slept alright, but no one can replace Peter. i hope i don't have to give him up. but if it came down to it, i'd let her have him.

Happy Birthday, Jubi!

It was Jubi's Birthday on 8/24/06 and, since mom & dad are the Youth Pastors, we had cake with the teenagers in the gym on Wednesday 8/23. We put her candle on top of the cake and were trying to wait for someone to come with matches or a lighter to light her candle.
I was actually really surprised that none of our teenagers had a lighter or matches. We waited for what seemed like forever and the whole time Jubi kept looking at her cake and yelling "CAKE!! CAKE!!" And she kept stabbing the cake with her fork and licking the icing off and saying "yum yum". It was so cute! She ate 2 pieces. I was concerned.

She also licked the icing off of her candle and kept asking for me to put more icing on it by thrusting the candle at me and saying "I want some more". I had flashbacks to her first birthday when she had a Carebear cake with plastic carebears on it and all she did was lick the frosting off the carebears and immediately threw up all the frosting when we got home. Fortunately, it was a very uneventful evening.

She did get some presents. One of her favorites is a baby doll from Miss Brenda. Here she is giving the baby some "milk". (forgive the blurriness, my mom's not too good with the camera on her phone)


She also got a 100 piece set of blocks from my sister which she alternately calls blocks and puzzles. She is a little obsessed with the cylindrical pieces. She makes a tall tower and then puts a triangle on top and then says "I made the castle!"


Basically, we celebrated her birthday a little at a time over the course of a week. Her favorite presents were the blocks and the baby doll. The blocks keep her occupied for up to 45 minutes.

Thank you so much Kristen!!

yet another hat

I finished another hat last week. I had a migraine so I was too busy (i.e. in too much pain too take a pic and post about it) it's black with cables. it's from the website I previously posted about from the Stitch Cafe.

I love this hat. Okay. The pattern say to use chunky yarn and size 10.5 needles. I've used my size 8 16" circulars before with this pattern and it turned out fine because of the ribbing giving it a little stretch. I guess since I haven't done hats in a while they're super tight. I was a little disappointed that this hat was "snug" to say the least. I could wear it though and it wasn't too bad.

(I would make 1 pattern suggestion though. It says to start decreasing when the hat is 5.5" long. It's a rapid decrease with a decrease EVERY row. This will make the hat, when wearing, stop in the middle of your ears, as the picture on the website shows. I always like to have my hate come down pretty low. If you do too, give it another inch and don't decrease until 6.5")

Anyway. As I said, I was a little disappointed about the fit, but I know it'll stretch out over time. I had also discovered with these patterns that this one (and maybe the other) that they fit children fine as well. So I was playing around on Friday night and slipped the hat on Jubi's head when she wasn't paying attention to what I was doing because she was too engrossed in the TV.

She looked so darn cute, but she also looked like she meant business.

This look says "I let you play with the Giant Legos for 5 minutes yesterday, but I don't know if we can have the same agreement today. I think I'm going to be needing some kind of collateral. We might have to negotiate next to the slide after lunch."

She realized about 10 minutes later, when her head started to sweat, that something wasn't quite right and then she took the hat off and threw it at me. It was hilarious while it lasted though.



I'm currently trying this hat AGAIN. This time I'm trying it on my size 9 dpn.

It's a little more difficult, but my stitches are actually a little more relaxed and I'm going to give it the extra 1" length. I hope this one turns out better. (I'll let you know.)

monster in my closet

I thought I was going in reverse last week because I had a migraine almost every day, I wasn't sleeping at night, and I felt like David (my ex) was coming back to ruin things (even though I know that's completely impossible). He's the monster in my closet. But Sunday, there was a message given in tongues, and before the interpretation was given, I KNEW it was for me. And then the Pastor gave the message and it started with "I have seen your trauma. . . " I felt the Holy Spirit breathe on me and flow through me. Whew!! He was about to start the message, but his wife came up and said that the Spirit did not want the service to go on until 2 women were delivered from their past trauma. She knew exactly who they were and I knew one of them was me. It took everything in me to get past myself and walk up to that alter, but I'm so glad I did. God has been speaking to me lately and He has been moving in my life. He walks with me every morning and He stays beside me every day. I have my joy back. I used to wake up every morning with a song in my heart and in my mouth. David stole my song, but yesterday, I got it back and I couldn't be more excited!!!! I have absolutely no idea where my life is going right now, but I'm looking forward to going wherever God is leading me. Some people think that Christians lead a boring life, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm walking down my path one step at a time and I can only see a little bit in front of me but I know there's something wonderful coming up and I can only keep my faith that it's coming and keep praying and praising God every day for the things that He's done for me. I won't be looking back anymore at the past trauma. That's all over. I'm only looking forward.

hats hats hats

i like to knit hats. they're easy! i just knitted one up and it only took 2 days.

here's the link to my 2 favorite patterns that are the most user friendly (in my opinion)
http://www.stitchcafe.com/freepatterns.html

i really enjoy making the cable hat as well. it does take a little extra time because cables can be a little tedious.

i say all this to say, i don't usually care for the drawstring action used to finish off the hat. sure it's easy, but it kind of distorts the hat. if you're going to make any kind of pattern, forget about it.

last night, i finished up a 2 day hat in plain old burgundy using the basic hat pattern from the stitch cafe. i've always wanted to try finishing off a hat using kitcheners stitch, but thought it might be too complicated, but i'm wanting to branch out and maybe start adding a little spice to my hats, and drawstrining it is definitely going to kill the effect, so i busted out a how-to book and tongue-between-my-teeth went for it. IT WAS FLAWLESS!!!!!



(yeah it's the same hat but the color quality is never any good in a cubicle . . . i just felt like taking a pic of the hat upside down because there was nothing decent to put it on either)

as you can see in the picture on the left, there is no drawing, and it looks absolutely fabulous if i may say so myself!!

biker baby

i decided last week, while cruising around eBay, that it would be a good idea to see what they had in the way of motorcycle helmets. well, being the girly-girl i'm becoming, i couldn't resist when i saw this black half-helmet with pink flames outlined in bright blue. checked the price and said to myself "that's pretty darn reasonable".


so i bid and won myself a helmet. i was even more excited when it showed up before the weekend so i had it in time for my next ride.

i was super-excited when i picked my package up at the P.O. on Saturday (always get your packages insured). when we opened the box and Jubi saw what it was, she immediately said "put on my head". who's going to say no to that? it's a very lightweight fiberglass helmet so Jubi was able to walk around with it on without any problems.

















she just looked so darn cute! i finally had to put it away though when she dropped it on the floor. i didn't want her to crack it before i ever got to wear it. i did get to wear it later that day. it's a great helmet with really good padding and a very comfortable chin strap.

the second ride was better than the first, though i still felt like i was about to fly off the back at times, especially when going up steep hills or after a quick acceleration, but i had a great time and i got to see parts of goodlettsville and gallatin that i'd never seen before. i saw beautiful pastures, large houses, country side, farms, cows, goats, horses . . . it was amazing.

baby got sass

yeah, she gets that from me. i'll admit i could probably make "good morning" sound like a smart comment or maybe sound a little spicy, whichever. well, my nearly 3 year old has got the sass-genes too.

example 1: we were sitting at the dinner table saturday night and she was drinking a glass of water and she gets very little in the cup so she doesn't accidentally douse herself. she finished what she had, turned to me, said "i want some more water" and i guess i didn't move fast enough because she leaned towards me, banged the bottom of the cup on the table a few times and said "get some more" in a slightly louder tone. i was shocked but thought it was hilarious too. it just won't be hilarious if it becomes a habit.

example 2: we're still working on potty training and they make her put on her own pull-up and shorts at day care. i guess she just wasn't in to it one day because her teacher told me that Jubi was in the bathroom, the teacher handed her the pull-up and Jubi threw it back at her and said "here". that didn't go over well. she had to put it on by herself and when i got her home that day, her pull-up was on backwards, but at least it was on.

8 things

8 things you didn't know about me

(as demanded by budd)

~ sometimes I like to sing Brittany Spears songs at the top of my lungs

~ I believe in Prince Charming

~ I would rather give a gift than receive a gift (gifts make me feel awkward because I'm never sure my "thank you" sounds genuine enough, but I love to see a smile on someone's face when they receive a gift, that's all the thanks I need)

~ when I read a book, I become the character and I'm always a little sad when the story is over

~ I have a lot of dreams that are very unrealistic and am afraid that none of them will ever come true

~ I think toenails are gross

~ one of my favorite movies, growing up, was The Labyrinth and I was always (and still am) disappointed that Sarah didn't pick Jereth in the end

~ I don't like to look people in the eye

me not quirky

i'm not quite sure what started the conversation, but budd, nick, and i were probably talking about crazy people and the weird things they do and i admitted that i own (a few) odd behaviors. everyone does.

here's my tribute to quirkiness. a catalogue of deranged rituals. please leave comments and let me know what you or your friends/family do.

(ex: on Everybody Loves Raymond Ray's brother Robert always has to touch his utensil to his chin before putting it in his mouth while eating)

1. i put on a sock then a shoe, then the other sock and shoe (not both socks then both shoes), always start with the right shoe
2. i don't like for my food to touch, if any food is touching, the offending food is left on the plate
3. if there is a sauce/gravy involved, and it's not a 1 course meal, a napkin is wedged under 1 side of the plate to make sure the liquid does not contaminate the rest of the food
4. i drive with my window down in all weather except for rain
5. i like to sing along with the radio and fling my hair (while driving this usually elicits stares)
6. i prefer to eat an even number of things (chips, fries, or cookies); if there are not an even number, i won't leave 1, i will leave 3 so they won't be lonely; if i'm feeling really hungry and really want to eat the food (usually with chocolate), i might break them in half to make it an even number
7. when eating a banana, if i encounter a bruise, i stop eating it and throw it away
8. always lick the lid of the pudding
9. not ashamed to admit that i will eat off the floor (unless the item was moist either before or after it hit the floor and unless i'm at home & know the floor is clean)
10. i like to eat sandwiches & hamburgers around the outside first and then eat the middle
11. always check my closet before bed for serial killers and ex-husbands

i think that just about covers it for now. . . about the rest of the family . . .

1. my dad has to check all the windows and doors to make sure their "secured" every night (sometimes twice); during my childhood, he would include closets
2. my daughter Jubi likes to take the peel off of a banana, hold it in the middle, and eat it from both ends until she gets to the part she's holding (then she doesn't know what to do with it)
3. Jubi also likes to caress her face, and sometimes foot, with a blankie while relaxing on the couch drinking milk

in conclusion, i don't think i'm quirky . . . exactly. just because i have certain behaviors that i prefer to engage in doesn't mean anything. it doesn't.

i've told you mine. now you tell me yours.

on the upswing

lately, things were feeling pretty bleak. i'll admit it. i've been feeling sorry for myself. THERE . . . I SAID IT! i know that the place my life is at is the place where i've put it. every step i've taken has caused it to end up where it is. that doesn't mean i have to be happy about it.

over the past few weeks i've felt like a wraith. i'm turning to shadows and mist before the eyes of everyone. but they don't see it. i hide my tears by looking at the floor. i cry at my desk. i cry in my car. i cry in the shower. i cry.

i'm angry. i take it out on my daughter. she's in the way. literally & figuratively. i have no life. i'm alone. i don't go out without her and don't go out much with her because she grabs things and cries for toys and shouts "gibbe that!!".

i move through life barely making it one day at a time. hangin onto the monkey bars and i don't know if i can make the swing again. i can feel blisters coming up on my palms and my shoulder joints are starting to ache. what am i going to do?

that's how i felt when i got to work friday 7/28/06 and knew that my parents were going out of town for the weekend and leaving me alone with a mountain of laundry and a sister who would be only somewhat helpful with my daughter and the housework. things didn't just look bleak. they looked downright terrible.

saturday was awful. potty training is not going well and my bundle-of-joy is turning 3 in 23 days. what is the problem? she's intelligent! i'm at a complete loss. i get all blurry just contemplating it.

Sunday, i went to church and it felt like the sermon was specifically for me. the pastor spoke about forgetting about the past and focusing on remembering the promises that God has made you. i have let the past haunt me and drag me down into the darkness and not just leave me there, but sit on me as well. i know that it will always be there. but i can't let it lead my life. i cannot allow it to dictate my moods.

i will daily remind myself of what i heard on Sunday and i will be grateful that i am able to cast my cares upon the Lord (1 Peter 5:7).