The Mystery of the Chicken Bones

I was walking through the parking lot at work a few days ago when I stepped on a chicken bone. I was only slightly surprised because this was not the first occurrence. Here's my thoughts:

1. why would anyone eat chicken in 90 degree weather
2. who's walking through the parking lot of a limited access building while eating chicken? . . . and
3. why did said person throw the bones on the ground?

I can understand throwing away an apple core or a banana peel, since they're biodegradable and will be mushed into nothing after being run over a few times by a car, but throwing chicken bones on the ground is just plain crazy.

I can't just walk around and eat chicken. Chicken is a high maintenance food. it requires lots of napkins and sometimes a knife and fork. These things are not portable. I'll agree that someone could've been eating chicken in their car and thrown the bones out the window. However, this is not likely as the bones were near the middle of the driving "fairway".

If a person ate chicken in their car, it would make no sense to dispose of the bones in the parking lot and leave all the other utensils in the car because their car would continue to smell like chicken anyway. Suppose they decided to dispose of the other items and drop the bones on the ground. Mighty strange.

I chalk this right up there with people who spit gum out in the parking lot. If you don't want your gum, put it in the trash can*. You know what that thing is. Use it. You weren't raised in a barn. If you were, that's unfortunate, make new friends who are willing to teach you basic hygiene and cleanliness. I once stepped in gum in a mall parking lot. It was a very unfortunate experience because I was wearing flip-flops and blue jeans (my jeans are too long because it's hard to find jeans at 5'1"). The gum, warm and gooey from a summer day, caught on my pant leg, hooked under my foot and basically ended up on my shoe, foot, ankle, and pants. Not happy.

The moral is 'if you are masticating something that is not easily biodegradable, place it in a trash can or you might find yourself bleeding in the trunk of a car'

*It's the receptacle that holds waste materials until Government workers arrive one day a week to pick said matter up off your curb from the varied-colored bags you have placed them in.

stupid censorship

Having a child in the house, generally, means you start recognizing that not everything you say is appropriate for little ears to hear. This especially becomes the case when said child begins to talk and, worse yet, repeat every word you say.

My daughter loves Spongebob and she was watching the show almost daily. She would run to the couch, hop on, thrust the remote at the me and say "watch Bob". Of course I wasn't going to say no, but it eventually became a problem. At first it was cute, her quoting random phrases. Hopping out of the tub mid-bath all soapy and saying "bath dewivwy". Or the time we were in a Mexican restaurant when she suddenly clapped her hands over her eyes and began to vigorously shake her head back and forth while emphatically shouting "I'm cheating! I'm cheating!" All of these things and many more were just so darn cute, but the most recent episodes became a problem. One episode in particular was "Pearl's Birthday". Jubilee would be pretending to drink something and suddenly spit and say "dishwater". Now this could be a problem. Or she would pretend to eat something and say "stale cockcorn". Another problem. The last thing I need is for people to think I'm feeding my child inappropriate food items, especially dishwater. One of the final moments came when she started saying, seemingly without provocation, "that's stupid". Oh so many SpongeBob episodes have the word stupid in them. My favorite quote being when Sandy turns to Patrick and asks "Don't you have to go be stupid somewhere else?" and Patrick responds "Not until 4".

Oh the dismay! Spongebob would have to be faithfully edited and all episodes containing stupid, dumb, and idiot would have to be avoided. Also the episode where Flatts the Flounder threatened during the ENTIRE episode to kick SpongeBob's butt resulting in several days of "kick you butt" being repeated.

I decided, and my mom agreed, it would be better for Jubi to watch more PBS Sprout. http://www.sproutletsgrow.com
She came to enjoy other shows, such as Pingu, Kipper, and Thomas the Tank Engine. She sings along with the theme songs from Make Way for Noddy and Dragon Tales and it is just absolutely adorable. She doesn't talk as much as she used to, but when she does, it makes more sense and it is in the appropriate context and not just random quotes from television. We've basically had to reboot her computer.

I did, however, notice her continued use of the word "stupid" and the more recent addition of "shoot". I have no idea where the last one came from . . . I really don't. I then realized that the other things we watch on television contain things she probably shouldn't be hearing either. Imagine my complete shock when I heard "a**" on Law & Order during a Prime Time slot. I couldn't believe TNT was putting that kind of language in their scripts. I suppose I should be more worried if she comes out with "crime scene" or "homicide" at daycare, but I can hope they'll write it off as an unintelligible utterance. I also noticed that I, and other members of my household, fling around the word "stupid" like we used to whack a birdie during a game of badminton.

Example:
"did you hear that so-and-so did such-and-such?"
"well that's just stupid!"
"yeah! that is stupid."
"hey! I can't find my stupid keys!"
"did you check over there?"
"no . . . that was a stupid place to put them!"

And there you have it. I can try to stop my daughter from hearing inappropriate language on television, but it won't matter if I'm unable to filter out this language from daily conversation between me and my family. These words have become so commonplace we don't even realize we use them.

get inked

It's hard to find a good place to get a tattoo and most people go by word-of-mouth and, naturally, visual references.

I highly recommend 2nd Skin Tattoo in Hendersonville, TN. Easily accessible from Middle and N Middle TN. They have great hours and a relaxing atmosphere in the shop.

Take your graphic in and get an estimate. Be sure to make an appointment because they're usually pretty busy.

http://www.2ndskintattoo.com


Sorry I don't have any pics of my own to add at this time. I will have to find my digital camera which has gone into the witness protection program.

what group do you belong to?

You scored as Goth. Your A Goth! Goth 95% Rocker, Mosher 50% Prepy 50% Chav, Townie, Rude Boy, Ned, Kev 35% Emo 35% Trendy 25% Skater 25% What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy Ect created with QuizFarm.com

it's about me

Budd sent me a neat little quiz. (he sends me lots of quizzes) I really liked this one because it askes what type of Fae you are.

Here's the link

http://onnachance.com/quiz/fae.htm

and here's my results:

shocking & unexpected & first. Budd was sure I would be classified as a Dark Elf. Well, you were wrong. Well, gotta go now. I saw something shiny & paranoid that needs to be poked.

Abridged Books

http://www.myalternatereality.blogspot.com/

Per Budd, I am required to comment on abridged books.

*Are abridgements a good introduction to long, boring classics, or a blight on literature?* Abridgements are a trip and fall down a flight of stairs that should never be visited.

*If abridgements have their place, what is it?* Their place is in the ESL section of the book store or in an Elementary School Classroom.

*Have you read any abridgements, or will you read any? Why or why not?* I don't care for abridgements. If a person is incapable of reading a story in it's entirety, they should resign theirselves to reading comic books and brief magazine articles and stop butchering perfectly decent literature so that they too can participate in general society and "take part" in conversations in the break room and by the water cooler without appearing to have that glazed look. Much like the dougnuts they ingest for breakfast every morning.

Belying the Myth of "Baby Mama Drama"

Lately I've been kind of cranky and as Father's Day was winding down, I began to reminisce about the past few years with my daughter.

I hear people throwing around the phrase "baby mama drama". I despise that phrase. That saying puts my nerves on edge. It makes my teeth ache in that special fingernails-down-a-chalkboard kind of way. So I'm going to give a brief testimonial and talk about some other people I've heard stories from.

:::here you are standing on a precipice looking out into a vast cavern of disgust and bad karmatic memories which have a tang to them that is so rank you feel you might want to choose now to turn away and go visit a place with happy bunnies and fluffy kittens . . . your choice::: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~dive~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in summer 2001 i met a guy. he seemed nice so we decided to hook up. i was on the rebound. i made a few bad choices. yada, yada, yada (c/o Seinfeld) i had a baby. he was excited during my pregnancy. announced it to everyone. he was proud of his virility, like some caveman. he proceeded to decide, when she was 1 day old, that he didn't want children. she couldn't possibly be his because "she's a girl". that's right. mind blowing logic there. he then proceeded to become "lost" on the way to the hospital every time he was supposed to come visit her. she had to stay for 2 weeks because she was premature.

after she came home, he refused to come to see her. he said he had no money for gas. i told him that, if he could borrow the money from his family to come to see us, that i would give him the money to pay them back and to get home. well, then he just didn't have the time because he was too busy looking for a job. he finally got that job. you know what he spent that first check on? bought a new pair of pants for himself and some dog shampoo because his dog needed a bath.

MY daughter will be 3 in August. he has not seen her since she was 4 months old. he did not show up at court. he has never paid child support. he wrote me a letter in December 2004 wanting me to "bring our daughter to come meet her new little brother". EXCUSE ME?!? she's only his daughter too when it's convenient for him. he sure was claiming her when he was looking for work and he'd flash her picture when he was wanting sympathy & female company. seemed to work too.

i never asked for the money either. i sure could use it though. i'm sad that my daughter does not have a father, but i'm glad she doesn't know the idiot she's genetically related to.

*I once spoke with a young woman that used to work with me who had a good relationship with her father. Her parents were divorced but they did get along well enough. She said that her mother never wanted her to be burdened with knowing about the Child Support payments, but that her father would constantly bring up the money on visits. She said that, when she turned 18, her father gave her a birthday card and a check for 1 days worth of Child Support. When she asked what that was about he said "just in case". Her feelings were hurt. She said that it was not supposed to be about the money. He was supposed to be her father.

*A friend of mine is getting divorced. It's her second divorce. She had a child from her first marriage that her second husband legally adopted and they have one child together. Now that they're getting divorced he wants nothing to do with the child that he adopted and openly shows favor to the younger child.

I could go on and on, but my time is up and I'm sure you'd like to move on. If you feel depressed, eat some chocolate. If you think I'm crazy and you know there are women out there who do create drama for the baby daddies, don't forget that those women are the ones who are getting vomited on, woken up in the middle of the night, have snot in their hair, and have to figure out what to fix for dinner when running low on everything in the pantry.

so pardon me if i have no sympathy when i hear some boy-in-man's-clothing out there talking about his "baby mama drama" because i ain't buying it!

please follow the link provided to hear my theme song
"I Hate My Baby Daddy" by Shelly B

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=237597

Single White Female Looking for Papa

I started my 2 1/2 year old daughter, Jubilee, in daycare last week. I know that's a little late to start daycare, but my mom's semi-retired and no one's gonna turn down free child care. I decided it was time for the munchkin to be around kids her own age so she could develop some social skills. There aren't any kids her age at church and she doesn't have any cousins to play with.

The first day (6/5) she went for 1/2 day. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't talk, and wouldn't lay down at nap time. They didn't know what to make of her and she was starving by the time my mom picked her up at 12:30. I couldn't believe she still hadn't been to sleep by the time I got home at 4. She was sitting on the couch bleary-eyed and watching SpongeBob. She had a snack and then had some milk while the rest of us had dinner. The rest of us being me, my sister, my mom, and my dad. Jubilee loves my dad. She calls him Papa.

I was quite surprised when I went over to sit next to her on the couch at 6 and found her passed out with milk running down her chin.

It was just too cute. Unfortunately, it was a group effort between me and my sister to wake her up because a nap that late is nothing but bad news (i.e. not wanting to go to sleep at bedtime)

Needless to say she was good and angry by the time we got her fully awake and nothing was making up for it, not even the chocolate cake I was trying to feed her through the tears. She finally ran over to the door of my dad's office and started knocking on it wailing "Papa! Papa!"

There are just some things only Papa can fix in Jubi's world. When she's mad at Mommy, Papa takes her outside. That makes it all better.

This post is in Honor of Father's Day June 18, 2006. Papa is Jubilee's Honorary Father.

Confusion Paint

::::I had several ideas swirling around in my head this a.m. but, as I can hear my neighbor who placed this thought in my head yesterday thougtfully (I'm sure) crunching on an apple, I'm going to write on this one.::::

My dad usually calls make-up war paint, which I think is amusing. There are other names and terminologies for make-up and the "art" of putting it on. "putting on my face" "painting the barn door" but for all intents & purposes I go with war paint. I tend to see each day as a battle between me & the world. If I end the day standing, I won.

Yesterday, I came dragging into work 20 minutes late & my barn door had no paint on it. I ask my good buddy Nick if I could borrow his mirror that he keeps at his desk (which he uses to check & make sure there's no gunk in his beard after food consumption). He hands it ove & we discuss war paint. He called it "confusion paint". It confused me. (for a minute I thought he said "Confucian paint" which could go into a whole branch of Eastern philosophy best left alone.)

I was left with it for a while and then we re-grouped when I was finished with my ritual. I determined that it is as with certain animals who are brightly colored or have elaborate patterns to alert other animals that they are poisonous or that they are not prey. I further thought about that this morning as I put on more war paint & thought that those markings can also be used to attract mates. I was aghast as I thought. My God! I haven't been on a date in forever. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong.

Maybe I'm using way too much eyeliner!



Oh well, I guess I'll never know.



disclaimer: this is not in any way a serious blog, though the events in this blog did actually take place, the blogger did get over her feelings & decided that she is one super-hot momma

Anti-Society v Nesting

Television/commercials do not usually depict accurately how people interact with one another. Take "Friends" for example. I live in an apt for 9 months and never met my neighbors. In fact, the norm was to avoid contact.

Studies show that societal trends are leaning more towards "nesting". People stay home more. Why wouldn't you. Commercials show that you don't even have to leave the comfort of your plush couch to order a movie, or pizza, or even the couch your sitting your spreading backside on. Grab a laptop & away we go.

I think I tend less towards nesting & more towards anti-society in general. It's not that I don't like other people. I just don't want to be burdened with having my senses assaulted on a daily basis with unwanted data.

Example: I know nothing about the people who live around me. We have people who have been living next door to us for, I don't know how long, I guess 5 years and I know nothing about them. I call them the Klopeks (The Burbs reference). You never see them. I never see anyone leave. Never see any lights on. It's kind of creepy. The other day, my sister says, he's a DR and I'm think "How do you know that?" and secondly "Why do you care?". We don't share a communal well that they have the opportunity to poison & I keep my daughter out of their yard so we're square.

I think men (and women) are under the impression that women have super-powers of observation. I guess I left mine in the 5th grade coat room.


Enough said about that. I like sitting at home. I enjoy living in my own enclosed world where I can choose the volume level of things around me and I can decide to which fragrances I will be exposed.

If I can make it through my 7.5 hour day at work which is the very anti-thesis to the previous statement, then it's all the more enjoyable.